Wok 'n Yoga

So I never did get my bike last weekend. Long story short: Wal Mart sucks. Pretty sure they're pulling the ol' bait & switch, which is in fact illegal, but I so do not care enough to pursue it. I mean, really. Come on now. I did buy an exercise DVD for just under $5, but I've yet to watch it. What I have been doing this week though is yoga. I'm pretty sure I mentioned in an earlier post that I don't like yoga because it hurts my knees and back (and I have legitimate medical issues with my knees and my back.) I tried to take a class a few years ago, but it was awful; I was in so much agony. But doing it at home, where I don't feel so self conscious, especially if I need to modify certain moves to avoid stress on my knees, seems to be OK. In fact, I've actually really enjoyed it both times, and I'm looking forward to doing it again tomorrow morning. And wow, do you ever feel it! I've never been convinced that yoga is much of a workout, but I was wrong. There's also the extra workout of trying to do the moves with a cat or two on your back, legs, head, in your shirt (true story.)

As for food, I haven't been doing too badly. I did buy some ice cream on Sunday night; I was having a massive craving and could not stop thinking about ice cream. Seriously, while I was washing dishes, playing with the cats, making my bed, watching TV, it was non-stop, "icecreamicecreamicecreamicecream". So finally I broke down and bought some. But other than that I've been doing well, especially because of some great advice from a friend. I bought a wok a few weeks ago on this friend's advice, and I've been experimenting with Thai cooking. You couldn't ever call what I've been making authentic Thai, not in any way, shape or form, but I've taken a few bits of Thai cooking here and there, specifically fish sauce and chilis, and have been using them to cook my veggies, chicken, and tofu. I've found when I combine just a touch of the fish sauce (I hate fish, but a small amount of this sauce is OK,) garlic chili sauce, and olive oil, it makes anything I'm cooking taste like THE BEST FOOD IN THE WORLD. So I'm actually enjoying my meals, they're healthy, and I'm enjoying cooking, which is rare for me.

So all in all it hasn't been a bad week. My mood is much better than it has been, too, which always helps with the diet and exercise, since my moods play a big role in my health and self care. If I'm feeling OK, I'm far more likely to do something good for myself, like eat properly and exercise. If I'm down, I'm staying down for a while, and I won't do anything beneficial for myself. So yeah, this has been a good week.

Bike

I think I am finally going to be able to get my exercise bike this Saturday (this one.) I've been waiting on this bike, knowing full well that I need to incorporate regular exercise in my life, that's just a given, but I haven't been doing any other exercise in the meantime.  Not good. So hopefully Saturday I can get my bike, park it in front of the TV, and start working out properly. I need to do this for obvious reason, but there's also the fact that exercise helps with anxiety and depression. Isn't it funny that even though I KNOW exercise would help me deal with depression and anxiety, I still don't do it. I've noticed that's something I do quite often in life; I reject the things that will help me. I don't meditate because the few times I've tried it was impossible to quiet my brain, so instead of working at it, and therefore potentially learning how to quiet said ever-running brain, I just give up. I don't do yoga because it hurts my knees and back - which is a legitimate issue, but if I modify the moves I could do it. Yoga would help both my body and my mind, but once again, I don't do it. I've used tapping in moments of extreme anxiety, and it helps, it really does, and it's so easy. But I rarely do it, even if I'm at home and no one is watching me and therefore I've no excuse not to do it. I guess it's easy to see that it's not just laziness on my part, although that's definitely a factor, but it's also my dedication to punishing myself. I dare not do something that would make me feel good instead of bad.

I realized last night, as I was eating my second bowl of cereal for dinner, that maybe I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. Maybe I do need to seek professional help sooner rather than later. I don't know. But I do know that I am capable of doing things that are beneficial to me, I just don't seem capable of sticking with them. Or at least I have myself convinced that I'm not able to stick with them. So I'm just going to keep trying, and maybe when I see my doctor in February for my regular 3 month appointment (she likes to keep tabs on me because of my depression,) I'll mention this to her.