I had a small relapse last night. I'm not sure relapse is the right word but I can't think of another one. I finished my dinner (I still have to work on eating slowly, too,) but instead of feeling satisfied, I started to feel the urge to raid the kitchen again. I wasn't hungry at all, but I need to eat. I just wanted to eat. So I had some corn nuts, and I had some cheezies that have been in my cupboard for a few weeks. I should just throw them out.
This binge was different in that I didn't eat too much of the corn nuts or cheezies; I didn't stuff myself until I was in pain. So while I'm disappointed in myself (I kept telling myself to stop, just stop, but the need to eat was much stronger,) I'm glad I was able to pull myself back from the edge. I just have to keep reminding myself: one day at a time. I also keep reminding myself to replace the negative thoughts with the positive ones. Anytime I start feeling down about my weight, start thinking I can't do this, start thinking what's the point, I remind myself why I'm doing this. To feel better physically, to be nicer to my body, but also to be nicer to myself in general. I spend a lot of time telling myself how horrible I am. So I'm working on reversing those thoughts every time I have them. It's exhausting, but hey, I'm used to being worn out by my head. My head has long been my enemy, so this struggle is nothing new, but my response to it is.
This weekend I'm going to make vegetarian chili in my slow cooker. I always load it with beans so it's high in fibre. Plus it's super delicious, and filling. Maybe this endeavour will encourage me to start cooking more. I think when you cook a lot you are more aware of what you're putting in your body. If anyone has any recipe ideas - healthy, EASY recipes (I cannot stress easy enough, mainly because I just don't enjoy cooking, so it needs to be something I can do relatively easily) - feel free to share.
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